Fear loathing disgust

Fear mingled with loathing. When I’m out in the world, this is what I see reflected in the eyes of others as they pass by. They only see a massive miscreant, a disgusting freak of nature, an ego run amok. They often stop and stare. But you wanna know what? They don’t really see me. While they see a freakshow, an abomination, I am an afterthought. I am invisible

This happens so often, I sometimes look in the mirror to make sure I’m still there. No, I am not a shadow. I am not invisible. In the mirror, I see skin, bone, muscle, sinew. I see the potential, the genetics my old man handed down. But there is also fear. Fear mingled with doubt. I look and wonder if I can shoulder the crushing burden of my own expectations

Only three weeks in and another fifteen to go, I stand here looking for signs of progress. After all the sacrifices, the early mornings, the meals, what stands before me is a man striving for something more. Behind the fear and doubt, a fire burns fierce with determination. Yeah, I see a man unsure of what’s out there. But that’s not gonna turn me away.